To be fair, I was really relaxed for the week I was on vacation. 24 hours after I got back though I am still freaking out about what I left. I still failed my first federal certification exam, I still spend 85% of my day trying not to drink (even though I didn’t have a sip during my vacation and didn’t even think of it), I still feel crippling loneliness any time I am not at school or work.

I am especially fed up with being around racist and homophobic people. My current boss is maybe the second true mentor I’ve ever had, and I am very grateful to him. He is genuinely an incredible teacher. He didn’t have to hire me, I had 0 mechanical experience. But he took me on to learn his trade; and he is patient, deliberate, and thoughtful in his instruction. But he is a racist homophobic dickhead. The UPS guy once cut him off in the parking lot, so he refers to him as a “blunt smoking homie”. He said our governor’s immigration policies are bad because “that’s what you get when you put a lesbian on office”.

So I think I’ve escaped that when I go on vacation across the country. However we stayed in this loft property where all of the noise is funneled up in this three-story open concept building to the loft where my room is. So all week I am subjected to hearing my family downstairs talk about such concepts as my states free school supplies voucher being spent on “weaves and nails” and how every tv show is shoving LGBTQ values in their face.

I just want to be at peace for a bit, socially and physically. I am not ready to face my problems tomorrow. I want a real vacation