Whatever happens, happens…

  • 10 Posts
  • 76 Comments
Joined 2 年前
Cake day: 2023年7月1日
  • Bonje@lemmy.worldOPtoJust Post@lemmy.world•How do I love something?
    2·
    21 天前

    I do. I think I do. I’ve tried a good bunch. Guitar, piano, drawing. I want them to culminate in that pipe dream of a game. I have half a dozen barely started things I ‘deer in headlights’ stare at in my free time or rummage through them in my head in a zone out daydream. Only to just end up killing time getting through my game and anime backlog. Get excited, start, give up and do the easy thing. Rinse and repeat.

    I eat quite alright. Your concern is appreciated. That’s the thing that’s stuck with me since moving to US. We don’t eat out 99% of the time. I’ve lost a good bit of weight too since two years ago once I took over the meal planning from my dad. Much like games and anime I get to turn off while cooking. Just a chemistry set with concrete inputs and outputs. Instant feedback on if it sucked too '_

    Appreciate the invite. A different time, should the universe have our paths cross again under different stars. My brain won’t see the offer for anything but a pity and eat away at me more. I write something similar every year for a few years now. Decided to post this on a whim. Or maybe it was that this year is so dreadfully unbearable. I’ve rationalized things every which way I could imagine. Each perspective, a prism shard; contorting a reflection to the point where I don’t know which image is me. Here I go waxing poetic again. A melancholic stupor having me for an actual writer. The gall of some people these days.

    As for a therapist. An old class mate from America I check in with from time to time told me how soul crushing of an experience it was for her to find a good one. I don’t know if I fear vocalizing what I wrote more than being chewed through a system designed to extract money out of me with naught to show for it. Or it’s the laziness talking again. If there are ways to find a good one near me, I’ll try. Appreciate any info.

    Lastly, and as already stated, thanks for reading; this as well. I’ve debated replying to anything from this. But it’s the least courtesy for your time.