Personally this is the only thing I’ve been doing for Christmas the last 5 years. Just tell friends and family to give any money they would have spent on gifts for me to a charity, humane society, and/or homeless shelter. Finally started catching on with a few more people I know

More like a pissing contest

Almost like Fry, just taking it one step further

Bob and Doug McKenzie

The movie or the box office?

Iirc the actual wording used in the bibble was something like “showered her in gold.” Take that how you like

Definitely by everyone downwind, but not by those who attend it

I was saying boo-urns

No glove, no love

Is it grift? I wonder if it’s grift. Nah, he’s too upstanding of a guy to do that…

Internet, you know what to do

Gotta do just enough payments that people won’t think it’s a lie, and that’s when you pull the (insufferably obvious) switch-a-roo

You forgot the bombing of civilian boats to escalate the conflict while claiming without evidence that they were transporting WMD drugs

I genuinely thought you said “hold your dick for at least one second”

At this point I’m honestly asking myself that question. Got a back injury about a decade ago that prevents me from doing most physical labor jobs, so I went back to college so I could have better prospects at desk work. Since graduating, I’ve been unemployed significantly longer than not, despite putting out more job applications than most of my friends and family have combined in their whole lives. My callback rate is about 1%, and even then, 2 of the 4 companies I’ve gotten interviews with this year were for jobs that ended up not existing in the first place, one interviewer told me to study a specific topic for their technical interview where that topic never showed up, and the last place had me go through 7 rounds of interviews over 3 months for a mid-level position, only to be rejected with no feedback.

I’m tired, boss

The US approach to preventing mass shootings is apparently to develop herd immunity

Has anyone checked on Hollywood superstar Rich Evans to make sure the Showbiz Pizza Bear hasn’t gotten to him? We need to protect this national treasure of a man

That seems likely

Have you tried unplugging and plugging back in again?

… repeatedly

All of them being rocket launchers