I feel like the only thing able to heal me would be a pussy in my face. But in reality it would probably only make me feel worse.
I feel like the only thing able to heal me would be a pussy in my face. But in reality it would probably only make me feel worse.
I mean this in a far less condescending or bitchy way than it will probably come off, but honestly you probably jerk off too much.
You’ve trained your brain to make yourself feel a little bit better with a quick dopamine rush over a long period of time whenever you masturbate. We train our brain on how to respond to stimulus and the environment around us in general, intentionally or not. The good news is that you can undo it, but it takes effort. Maybe this is the case for you or maybe it’s not, but take it as food for thought either way because the concept applies to a wider degree of behaviors(and is the crux of why therapy works on a simplified level).
Nah, that’s not it. I jerk off maybe once a month or so. I think that’s below average.
Given that you say you’d probably feel worse if this scenario actually uh, presented itself, I’d say you’re running low on oxytocin and serotonin, not dopamine as another commenter suggested.
Dopamine is more like the… amused, pleasantly enjoyable experience, ‘I’m having fun!’ chemical.
Oxytocin is the… shared moment of emotional/physical bonding chemical.
Serotonin is the… safe, secure, very content, reassured chemical.
I don’t think you’re looking for dopamine, I think you’re looking for the other two, and you’re basically just having… fairly blunt and straightforward symbolic association visuslizations / dreams about it.
Oxytocin is a big part of sex with anyone you have an emotional connection with, and that super content feeling that comes afterward is basically a dump of serotonin.
… Basically, I think what you really need is a friend, and a hug, somebody in person to talk to, you are probably depressed, and/or fairly recently went through a break up, would be my guesses.
But also I am not a psychologist.
This is a lot of information that is very interesting. Where did you learn this?
Well, basically, my family is extremely dysfunctional, mentally disordered, and I am autistic, so… I took it upon myself to learn not just psychological concepts, but also neurochemical concepts.
Like uh, my brother at one point burned himself out on e and molly at raves, to the point he developed serotonin shock syndrome… Dad’s an alcoholic narcissist uber boomer, Mom burned her brain out on angel dust, pcp, cocaine, whatever was available in the 80s… I have CPTSD from growing up with them, I’ve stuggled with and actually managed to defeat major depressive disorder, drug addictions…
So yeah, I just… read a lot of books, research papers, self-taught myself a bunch of knowledge around how and why brains and people do what they do… why do I or other people feel this way or that way, how does this all work, what can be done to help alleviate suffering?
More tangential infodump rambling, if you uh, would like to know more =P
Your brain is a physical, neurochemical machine, but its not so much like a computer-machine in that it uh… plays by different rules, uses different kinds of ‘programming languages’.
Consciouness is an ongoing experience, it is a process, it is the result, the output of the sum of your brain’s ‘functions’.
Unlike silicon, brains can heal somewhat, they are neuroplastic, they can essentially rewrite their own programming somewhat, as a very loose analogy… but its different than computers.
Computers have a hard divide between hardware, and software.
Code either runs or doesn’t run on hardware, maybe you have to swap out hardware to get some code to run.
Brains… brains rewrite their ‘software’ by literally, physically, reconfiguring themselves, literally growing new connection patterns and letting others go dormant, wither.
So that would… sort of roughly be like you actually could ‘download more ram’, somehow actually change your cpu into a gpu, just by writing code… these are very rough and technically innacurate analogies, but the very high level concept is what I’m tryig to convey.
Still though, just as computers cannot work without 0 1 bits, brains cannot overcome the most fundamental aspects of how they work, and in human, mamallian brains, a huge basis of how they work is via emotional associations, and emotions fundamentally are, imo, certain levels of certain neurotransmitters being released in certain contexts.
Sorta like how flavor profiles of food is in at least some sense, basically made out of just 5 different chemicals our tongues can taste.
Though obviously its more complex than that as the texture, consistency, temperature, other physical material properties of food alter the eating experience, maybe thats roughly analagous to how brains also take in situational context and past experiences/associstions when feeling an emotion.
As a high functioning autist, I exist in a weird realm amongst most humans, where I am much, much more explicitly aware of my own logical train of thought, of how and why certain ‘inputs’ lead me to certain ‘outputs’… but this is also more difficult to ‘compute’ all the time, it can be overwhelming to be fully aware of it all, almost all the time.
Compare this to most neurotypicals, for whom a large amount of their decision making and analysis/situation response … its unconscious, if you ask them to think about how and why they think the way they do, they tend to get angry, view such a request as rude, whereas for high functioning autists, that’s just the default mode.
NTs tend to be less precise, less exact, use a faster but less accurate heuristic in many contexts, basically just bullshit their way through a lot of situations with ‘close enough’ type decisions…
…whereas a high functioning autistic will be more neurotic and stress over crafting a ‘perfect’ response or decision… at least, untill they gain awareness that that is what they are doing, and try to develop and ingrain some rules or methods for themselves to … sort of halt a runaway program that’s eating up waaay too much memory.
The neurotypical paradigm can be advantageous when processing speed is more important than precision of result, but it can be disadvantageous when those conditions sre reversed.
Thank you. This helped me to understand.
Fuck, I’m complimented that you took the time to read it, hah!
And uh, sorry it turned into more of a ramble about autism, I guess I was trying to more explain… how and or why I come to just investigate things all the time, not so much explain exactly what my understanding of how brains work is… woops!
Fair enough. Big changes in libido, if that’s something that’s changed, is a big factor in depression though.