Maybe try getting into your local BDSM scene first. Visit a local munch, get to know people. Really get to know them. Don’t just go in there expecting to find someone to fuck.
If you find enough friends you are bound to get to know someone who works in the industry.
The scene is small. Really don’t be a creep. Just a normal guy with a normal life and interests besides aspiring to be the next great fucktoy.
BDSM is a vaaaaast field. And most people practising BDSM are only interested in a small portion. The acronym alone, despite only having four letters, encompasses six different aspects and any one person could only be interested in one aspect or even none. They are Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission and Sadism and Masochism.
See the lack of references to black leather clothes or petplay in the list?
I think for a beginner the best entry is to register on Fetlife, go to events and look up a munch near you. There you could learn that the people practising BDSM are just normal people. And they could tell you about the specific things you are interested in.
Pics or it didn’t happen.
Wouldn’t a swinger club offer what you’re looking for?
Nah, that’s not it. I jerk off maybe once a month or so. I think that’s below average.
Ever been to a BDSM party? Half the people there are in IT. The other half in medicine. Every other profession is an outlier.
How many sharpies can you fit?
That’s the thing though. You don’t just want anybody to hold your dildo. It takes a special person to perfectly encapsulate the essence of being a mere inanimate object designed for you and your pleasure alone.
Preferably I’d get a slave to hold it steady.
My wife flashing me when we’re alone for a moment.
Probably mostly depends on your local community. I early on made the decision to only friend people I’ve met in real life.
Women probably still have it bad until they blocked half the site.
Fetlife is still very active over here. Of course the real life events are the most important.
Get a kinky hobby and then join your local community. For me it was bondage. Go to meetings, get to know people (emphasis on people). When you pass the vibe check you should get invited to parties. During all this you should be able to get to know enough people who are DTF.
I wish I could upvote you twice.
I have had more relationships after my marriage than before.
We kind of slipped into it. We always maintained an open relationship in terms of communication. With the arrival of our children we found it harder to pursue our kinkier side with each other so we decided to try it with other people.
My wife was first. She signed up with BDSM communities, went on dates and went to munches. Eventually I decided I wanted to try that as well. As my first test I signed up to the same site and messaged her without revealing myself. I convinced her to try a date with me with only one simple message. Rizzing the person you love feels good.
Anyways, going on dates with the knowledge and consent of your partner makes it so much easier than having to conceal them and making up lies. No idea how people do this.
Relationships we formed were similar to other relationships. Some worked, some didn’t. Most ended amicably, some didn’t. Of course we sought out people who seemed to be ok with the arrangement.
The pandemic mostly put an end to that and by now life doesn’t leave us enough time or energy to go on. But we do not regret that time. Still keep lose contact with the people we met. Our own relationship is stronger than ever. And we’ll see what the future holds.
Also, if you’re really lucky you might discover that your fantasy isn’t actually that exciting in real life.
Or maybe it’s really a normal healthy kink that you could be exploring further.
I’d advise you to go to Fetlife, look for munches near you, go there and get the vibe of the people. Go several times because vibes can change from week to week.
You should be able to learn there that the people there aren’t freaks but normal people. That what you’re feeling is normal and that you’re not the only one. And most importantly that you’re not an ugly loser but also a normal person.
Don’t go there with the expectation of finding a sexual partner. These are supposed to be safe spaces where one can go to exchange feelings and knowledge. Also don’t go there with the expectation that everyone will be talking about sex and BDSM and fetishes all the time. Often enough they talk about all kinds of things.
If you’re lucky your munch has some kind of way of onboarding new people. The organisers are the right people to talk to. They are usually very nice and not judgemental.
Meeting each other.
And then meating each other.
If I could change anything about you it would be your location to on my face.
What is your favourite dinosaur? And how would you fuck it?